


Cultural patterns

by SrebrnaFH



Series: Time enough to just live [5]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Space Cats, flerkens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:47:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SrebrnaFH/pseuds/SrebrnaFH
Summary: Peter is suspicious of the Starks' lazy Persian cat, Muffin.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Time enough to just live [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1449895
Comments: 15
Kudos: 162





	Cultural patterns

**Author's Note:**

> It's a bit random, but ever since I've heard about that guy and his python... ;)

"Mister Stark?"

He looked up from the bench where he was soldering the pieces for the BB-8 model they were making for Morgan. Peter seemed worried.

He was wringing his hands and chewing his lip and he had made no progress on the magnet setup they needed to hold the bot's head in place.

Tony waited, looking expectantly.

"Mister Stark, do you know what cancel culture is?"

"Yeah. Well, been subject of, obviously. Well, more of the 'call-out culture', but it's nearly the same, I think. People simply love calling me out for the 'Merchant of Death' times. Not that I blame them, but it does make it hard to... you know, get better. Sometimes I felt that I should just— you know. Just let this whole phone and green energy and stuff go and get back to blowing things up. At least I'd be living up to..." he bowed closer and touched the line of solder with the iron, "...to the image. You know. Give them stuff to talk about. Pepper kept me on the straight and narrow, thankfully. Why? Is someone digging up Peter Parker's sins? Trying to besmirch Spider-Man for having cheated on a maths test in the first grade?"

"I-ve-never-how—! Never! Never cheated on a maths test!"

"A biology project spruced up by May?"

"Seriously, where do you get these ideas? No...! I mean, what I was thinking about— Do other civilisations have cancel culture? Like, say, Kree? Or, or whatever Gamora is? Or Drax?"

"I suppose some of them may have a pretty drastic form, some less. For some if you've worked off your debt to society, you are OK, or OK-ish. For some, no sin is ever— ever forgiven—" Tony sneezed. "What the hell is in the air today?"

"Fur. Um. Dust. Anyway, what I mean..."

Peter trailed off and started playing with magnets, clicking them together. Nervously.

"Parker."

"Muffin was checking if he can eat Morgan," the boy blurted out.

_What the fuck._

"Unpack."

"You know how people keep pythons at home and it's safe and all that jazz?"

"Yeah. Falcon used to have one as a kid, I think. Weird but supposedly harmless."

"Well... I've read an article online about a guy, whose python started like stretching next to him on the bed, kind of like he was measuring itself against him?"

"OK..."

"So the guy went to a vet and told him that. And the vet called his herpetologist pal and that herpetologist said that it will be better to give the python away to some snake ZOO or whatever, because what the python was doing... it was checking if it could eat its owner. That's how they do it, they measure next to something and if they are bigger than that thing..." here Peter opened his mouth widely and clacked his teeth in a rather loud manner. "Because they swallow prey whole and digest it like that. They don't bite off pieces."

"What does it have to do with Muffin and Morgan? Muffin is the laziest Persian I've ever seen, not a python."

"Yeah, but, like..." the boy's voice dropped a bit. "What if Muffin isn't a _cat_? But an alien that swallows his prey whole?"

Tony blinked.

He carefully put away his soldering iron.

"What? How— what kind of an idea is this?"

"Well, it's not like it's impossible, right!? We've had a talking racoon and a walking tree and stuff. I climb walls! Come on, Mister Stark, you know there _are_ space cats."

Tony nodded slowly.

"I'm guessing you know who has one?"

Peter nodded, still nervously.

"And... Parker, what have you done?"

"I called Captain Danvers and asked if Goose could drop by and... well, have a look at Muffin? Just in case?"

"Goose. Oh my... you mean the fat red tabby she has?"

"Yyy-eah. I mean. He isn't a cat. More like a flerken."

"And that is what?"

"A ferocious all-devouring warrior in a form of a cat," Peter recited quickly. "I've explained my suspicions and... we kind of left him there with Muffin."

"'There' being?"

_Please not in the flat._

"The gym. Just in case he needed space or something."

"The gym. OK. And how do I know that this flerken is not just a cat-eater?"

"Captain Danvers saw him eat entire men, but never normal animals. He doesn't even catch mice."

"Then why would Muffin be measuring Morgan? Wouldn't he have the same abilities?"

"Muffin is less than a year old. Even Captain Danvers doesn't know much about flerken young..."

####

Turns out, flerken cancel culture is pretty much brutal and terminal.

Morgan wasn't _very_ disappointed that Muffin had 'run away', since she said he was always slobbering all over her and licking the hair at the top of her head _very_ annoyingly.

Their next visit to the the animal shelter was accompanied by Captain Danvers, Goose and Vision, to ensure that no aliens, androids or other suspicious creatures try to smuggle themselves into the Iron Man's household.


End file.
